why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
