He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
