Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
