I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dignity is for republicans.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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