I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
