oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
