If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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