Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
