I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
