I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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