weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
50% drunk capacity currently
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
