Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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