Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pappa wants mamma naked
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
