this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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