fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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