I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
