i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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