you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
