You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
