When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize