I cannot find my penis.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
