You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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