I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
