you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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