Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
