I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
