I love black thongs
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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