You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
