He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize