I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
