Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mom said you looked used
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
