If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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