you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
