So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
