Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
