You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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