My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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