you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
