she was so not down for the gang bang
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize