Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ladies don't puke and tell
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
