He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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