there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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