Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
