I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
