you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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