Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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