Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
