Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize