some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
