my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
