there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
