i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
