before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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