OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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