so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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