I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
