True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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