Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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