Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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