he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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