you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
