In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
