Your tits are I can't wait for
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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