Pants 0. Shit 1.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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