It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize