so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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