I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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