just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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