i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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