Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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