dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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