While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
