So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
