just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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