The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
