ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
