You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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