I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Randomize
