just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize