Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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