Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
