genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
