i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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